Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
