Yo dont text me then not text me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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