sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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