I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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