No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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