I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
