i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
