we have pet lesbian snakes
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
