fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
