dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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