i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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