Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
