I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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