its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
