Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
there's paper in my vomit.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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