day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
