i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
