My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
