Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
