omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize