Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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