Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
