You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
