im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How's work?
Spinning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Drake has all the answers
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
