Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
