Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Help. Why am I so naked?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
