I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
