Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
