I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
