I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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