now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize