dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
