Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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