My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
