you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i think i just lost a toe
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
