tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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