You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
