Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
