I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
sick fucks of a feather flock together
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
