I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize