she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
