I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Blood and glitter go together right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
