how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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