Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Terrible idea I love it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
