i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
