Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
