So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My ass is underappreciated
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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