two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize