I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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