I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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