ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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