Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
