At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
