i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize