ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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