She is in my trunk
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
whose parrot is this?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
