you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
