Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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