I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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