we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
