when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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