If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
