i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
