I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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