what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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