Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
