so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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