its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
