Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
