if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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