I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Found your dick twin last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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