bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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