My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
