i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
