Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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