pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
