i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
