I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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