gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
