i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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