I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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