she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
