You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
