As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
