planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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