Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
