Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
