I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
