Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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