I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize