My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
