once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
