one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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