then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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