Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
