so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
