He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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