I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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