she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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