Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
