She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
