Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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