your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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