I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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