I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize