Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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