i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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